She said Whaaaaaaat?
by LadyArinn
Summary: River's been acting weird and it's making Jayne feel strange and he wants her to stop. Maybe. Sort of. Not really. Fourth in the series: The Titles have Nothing to do with Anything.


Hello! Here we have an actual relationship thing! Yeay!

* * *

><p>The girl had started doing some weird things recently, weirder than her regular weird, and that was something worrying. For some unknown reason she'd started to sidle right up until she was practically on top of him, getting into his personal space and holding his eyes for too long and making everything all awkward and weird and it was setting him on edge. He didn't know why she was doing it or why she was doing it to <em>him<em>, but he was determined that it would stop.

So he would come up with a plan. A good one, too. One that make sure the girl would stop.

Though, maybe he should have remembered that he wasn't the best at making plans.

The next time he saw her inching her way over to him he started to step the other way, taking two for her every one, leading them to both slide along the wall of the cargo bay in a large circle, the rest of the crew watching on confused and a bit amused. This went on for a while until Mal yelled about him acting crazy, saying that he should hurry up and sit or else he'd be getting the hard end of the chores list for the next few weeks.

This was enough to make him sit down, angrily though and with plenty of protesting, because him staying in one spot led to the girl sliding up right next to him, eyes dancing and smiling so big that he was terrified. That smile was the smile of someone with a plan, a plan much better than his plan and a plan that was going the exact way she wanted it to go.

She sat next to him at supper the next night, too close for comfort and eyeing him all the while, so the next time they all gathered to eat he sat down in the middle of Mal and Zoe, smug that he'd figured out at least this much. With this he'd gotten at least a tiny bit of an upper hand. But then the girl sat down right across from him with that smirk, and maybe that made him nervous but he tried not to think much of it, thinking instead that she couldn't really do anything not with everyone around ad him a bit of a ways away.

That is, he thought that right up until he felt her tiny little foot slide up his calf, making him jump about three feet in the air and knee the table hard enough to jostle everyone's plates and spill a bit of their drinks.

"The hell is wrong with you?" Mal huffed, glaring at him as he wiped up the bit of his drink that had spilled. The girl's smirk grew and her foot slid higher, and if he had been a lesser man he would have been blushing.

"Nothin'" He grumbled, hunching down and stabbing his protein sullenly, trying to tuck his legs back and out of the girl's reach though apparently her legs went on forever because no matter how far back he went she still managed to reach.

She kept right on doing all of these little things and always managed to get right past whatever he tried to do to stop it, and it was annoying and it was making him nervous and it was knotting him up inside. Everyone was looking at him like they knew more than him, and her brother switched between looking like he was going to laugh at the biggest joke of his life and looking like he was thinking of just how many potentially harmful things he could do to a person.

He was getting tired of Kaylee's giggles and Inara's knowing smiles. Of Zoe's watchful eyes and Simon's little lines he dropped that were meant to be threats dressed up pretty with fancy words and under the guise of a joke, and most importantly he was tired of the girl jerking him around and playing with him like he was a fun new toy.

So, seeing as he couldn't escape the girl and didn't want to deal with the crew, he decided to just stay in his bunk for a bit. It wasn't that he was hiding, because he didn't hide, you see. He was just choosing to relax by himself away from everyone else down in his bunk and hoping that no one would come to search for him.

Not hiding, just resting.

Of course, he should have realized that the girl would come to him. Maybe he had.

"You are scared of her." She says as she steps down into his bunk, a smile on her face and bounce in her step as she makes her way over to where he was sitting and sharpening his knifes on his bed.

"Not scared." He grumbles, and her smile grows.

"Yes you are. You are scared of the girl. Tiny little girl that can't weigh no more than a handful, makin' you scared like you're fourteen again and worryin' about givin' flowers to Abigail Bress." She taunts, her voice shifting to mirror his, gaining an accent and losing a few consonants. He grits his teeth and gives his blade a particularly hard stroke with his whetstone.

"Maybe." He grunts, and she positively beams at him.

"It is good to be scared of the unknown, because curiosity killed the cat and tore him to pieces bit by bit by bit by bit." She says him, taking the blade from his hand and testing it against her thumb before setting it aside on the bed a bit away. Then she hitched her long skirt up just enough, and straddled his lap.

"Not really doin' your best to sell this, you know." He tells her, carefully settling his hands on her thighs. She just smiles that loopy smile of hers and sets her arms on his shoulders.

"Did you know that it actually goes on? Tired parents wanting cautious children who stay put in their boxes talk only of cats and death and the lures of the unknown cut it short, but she would like to use the longer version. 'Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back'." She singsongs, and Jayne can't help but to swallow thickly.

"You sayin' that this here's gonna be satisfyin'?"

"Immensely." She's smug and smiling and she's right there, right where he was worried she'd end up because he shouldn't want her the way he does. He shouldn't want her the way he wanted Abigail Bress all those years ago, shy and scared and just wanting to hold her and say sweet words to her. He shouldn't have any room for sweet gestures and pretty words anymore because that should have ended back when he figured out that girls were just heartache wrapped in a pretty package, but for some reason the crazy little thing in his lap brought out all sorts of feelings in him he wasn't sure how to cope with.

And from the smug look on her face, she knew exactly how he felt.

"You've been pushin' my buttons for a long time now, Girl. That's gonna have to stop. 'Specially infront of the rest of the crew."

"No." She doesn't take a minute to even pretend to think it over, just shakes her head and keeps right on smiling, "Because Jayne likes it. Likes it when she touches him and makes him feel special and wanted. If you are worried about the reactions of the others, you need not. She has already explained her intentions towards you to them."

"Inten- Girl, I think you've gone and got this twisted up backwards. Ain't I the one 'supposed to be goin' around spoutin' off about intentions?"

"You had none, and would never had done a thing unless the first move was made by the girl. Was too afraid of the others and that you misread the obvious signals she was giving you, so you would have done nothing no matter what. Do not worry, she is fine with it this way, though a romantic gesture would be appreciated. Perhaps a gift? She prefers bracelets."

He scowls and she giggles, and then she leans forward and sort of nuzzles his nose with hers before moving to the side pressing a kiss to his cheek. It's sweet and sappy and he makes as if to back away, but her hold on his shoulders is too strong and maybe he happens to like her being all sweet on him. Just a tiny bit.

"I ain't kissin' you." He tells her with a growl as she cuddles real close, and the only reason he puts that rule out there is because if he doesn't kiss her it means he hasn't fallen too far. And if he hasn't fallen past that point he'll still be able to pick himself up from her when it ends. And it's going to end, he knows it is. It's just a matter of time because she's young a pretty, and maybe she's not all there but that doesn't mean she can't find someone she thinks is better.

"Yet." She taunts, but she rolls her eyes and nods in agreement.

"Surprised the rest of them didn't put up too much of a fuss when you told them you were goin' after me. Would have expected a war comin' after that announcement." He reaches up with one hand and starts to carefully play with a piece of her hair, and maybe he's been thinking about doing it for a while and maybe it's just about the softest and finest thing he'd ever touched, but he certainly wasn't going to say anything about it. Anyways, the girl had that look in her eyes that told him she knew exactly what he didn't want her to, and if this was going to go any further maybe he should figure out a way to keep her out of his head sometimes.

"True, Jayne is old and big and mean and bloodthirsty, and the crew made sure to write epics on his faults," Well, now that was a bit mean, "But the girl is crazy and mean and faulty as well, and has tasted blood quite thoroughly, so she thinks that they make a fine match. Plus," All of the sudden she's twisting and pushing and he's on his back with those legs of hers holding his arms down and her weight settled on his chest, his knife she'd sat aside pressed into his throat and making him feel a might uncomfortable, "The girl takes care of herself." And then she's off of him and setting the knife aside before settling down in his tiny bed practically right on top of him, head pillowed on his chest and making him blink from shock at just how fast everything had gone.

"Uh, Girl-"

"Shh. There will be rest now." She says sharply, and Jayne considers fighting it for a moment. After all, he isn't some pillow for her to use and he isn't going to just let her boss him around and put a knife at his throat in a move so smooth that he was wanting another demonstration just so that he could see how she'd did it. But maybe he was just a little bit tired, and maybe he pulled her in a little bit closer and wrapped his arms around her to cuddle for a bit. Just a tiny bit. And maybe he thought she was just the shiniest thing, laying with him and cuddling after she'd managed to pin down someone twice her size and age like it was the easiest thing in the world.

Nobody would ever be able to prove it, though.

* * *

><p>Have a lovely day!<p> 


End file.
